Anger Management

One of the things that has surprised me during this whole thing is I don't feel angry about my diagnosis.  However, I'm starting to think that I'm angrier than I think and it's coming out in different and not entirely rational ways.  And you know what?  I don't really care. Here are some examples:

1. Last Saturday Aaron and I were rear-ended. Both our car and the car of the guy that hit us were totaled (no, I can't make this up, it's real)  I was so pissed and Aaron had to restrain me (not physically, but verbally).  Thankfully the girls weren't with us or I was concerned that I might have been arrested for assault.  So Aaron's been dealing with getting us a new car this week.
2. A week or two ago I randomly heard from an old friend (let's call her Person B) that had heard about my blog.  It was nice to hear from her, but I knew she wasn't on FB and I hadn't told her myself, so I asked her how she knew.  Somebody else that I used to be friends with (and who I'm connected to on FB, let's call her Person A) had sent her the link to my blog.  That was strange because Person A has yet to actually reach out to me herself.  So...you're sending around my blog and passing on my news but you can't be bothered to reach out to me on your own?  I just find that weird.  And yeah, it pisses me off.
3. Here's something else that makes me angry: people discouraging or judging me because I want to continue my daily activities.  Yes, I'm working during chemo.  Plenty of people do it, it's the craziest thing.  Yes, I'd like to work out during chemo, too.  Who are you to say that I'll be too tired?  You clearly underestimate me and have no idea what I'm capable of.  Of course, in many ways, it's these people that motivate me even more.  DON'T tell me what I can or can't do.

Tomorrow I start chemo.  To say I've been anxious this week is an understatement.  Aaron and the girls made my Mother's Day so awesome that I was able to forget what's looming over me tomorrow.  But as scared as I am, I'm also a little relieved it's starting tomorrow.  Finally something's happening.  To everybody who's wished me well tomorrow--thanks so much, it means a lot.

See you on the other side...