Several months past I promised a philosophical discussion on all of the drugs I've been accumulating. Well I don't know how philosophical this post is going to be, but for those that have been waiting, it's finally here.
The first chemo type I had made me really nauseous. I was given anti-nausea drugs to help with the nausea, but they never really worked. At least not to the degree I wanted them to. If they're labeled "anti-nausea", that to me suggests they will get rid of the nausea. They didn't. Even speaking to my oncologist and chemo nurse, the intent seemed to be for me not to throw up. The nausea was just something I had to ride out.
When I first got diagnosed, one of the first things my dad said to me was to get marijuana for the chemo side effects. I had an aunt whose husband had cancer and he swore up and down that the only thing that helped with the chemo nausea was pot. Needless to say, to have my dad recommend drugs was a bit out of the ordinary, but I can't say I was that surprised. Of course, then he joked about me getting stoned and the girls asking why I was acting so funny.
The pot helped, but the whole pot smoking thing was strange. I'd usually smoke it in the bathroom in our basement. Alone. It felt pretty pathetic to smoke pot by myself in the downstairs bathroom. There was only one time that I smoked with a friend and actually had a good time. Most of the time I just smoked enough to help ease the nausea. I guess it worked a little.
While I do love my cocktails, overall I prefer the drugs that give me energy. For my second chemo rounds I had drugs that gave me lots of energy. I LOVED them. But I couldn't take them for more than a day or two. That's always reassuring, when you're told not to take drugs for more than a few days because of the potential side effects.
So I guess that's the post. In my head this post was longer, but I don't know what else to say.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
New beginnings
As I mentioned in my last post, a few weeks back I did a 5K with some friends. Actually, now that I look at the calendar it was almost a month ago. While the day didn't go quite as I had hoped it would, it was still a good day overall. I was very pleased with my pace (7:42 miles) and the gesture of my friends getting together to celebrate the end of this hellish journey was great.
A few weeks ago I had my post-treatment check-up with my oncologist. It was the first time I had been back at BI since the end of treatment on October 1. I was unprepared for the anxiety that visiting the oncology department made me feel. Obviously I don't have great memories of the place, but my feelings still surprised me. As much as I like my oncologist and as much time as I'll be spending with her for the rest of my life (or until she retires, which will hopefully happen first), I still wish I had never met her.
We have finally rescheduled our California trip. We had just booked our trip to California when I got my diagnosis. It feels like a re-do in many ways. We head out at the end of April. I'm very much looking forward to it. Aaron and I are also going away to Provincetown on MLK Jr. weekend. No Iceland trip planned yet. This is mainly my fault because work has been so busy and I haven't really had time to think about it.
As my hair continues to grow back, one of the nice things is I don't necessarily feel like I'm "the woman with cancer" anymore. I've ran into old friends and met new people who compliment me on my hair without knowing about the last year (at least I'm pretty sure they didn't know) and it's so nice to just accept the compliment and move on. Sometimes I've said something, but increasingly I don't say anything. Well, I guess I say "thank you" for the compliment. Also, people make eye contact with me again. When I had my scarf, nobody would look at me in the aisles of Trader Joe's or in the hallway outside of work. It was a very strange feeling to feel invisible but know that people were probably looking at me when I wasn't looking at them.
A lot of people have asked me if I'm going to keep my hair short. I really have no idea. I feel like it's in a very awkward phase right now. I'm back to having to spend time on it in the morning. It's not a bad problem to have, just something I haven't had to deal with for several months.
We had a good Christmas but words can't express how happy I was for New Years. I actually started this post a week or two ago but never finished it. As I read on what I've written in this post I can't help but think how boring my life has become. Well, as boring as my life gets I suppose. I love boring!
A few weeks ago I had my post-treatment check-up with my oncologist. It was the first time I had been back at BI since the end of treatment on October 1. I was unprepared for the anxiety that visiting the oncology department made me feel. Obviously I don't have great memories of the place, but my feelings still surprised me. As much as I like my oncologist and as much time as I'll be spending with her for the rest of my life (or until she retires, which will hopefully happen first), I still wish I had never met her.
We have finally rescheduled our California trip. We had just booked our trip to California when I got my diagnosis. It feels like a re-do in many ways. We head out at the end of April. I'm very much looking forward to it. Aaron and I are also going away to Provincetown on MLK Jr. weekend. No Iceland trip planned yet. This is mainly my fault because work has been so busy and I haven't really had time to think about it.
As my hair continues to grow back, one of the nice things is I don't necessarily feel like I'm "the woman with cancer" anymore. I've ran into old friends and met new people who compliment me on my hair without knowing about the last year (at least I'm pretty sure they didn't know) and it's so nice to just accept the compliment and move on. Sometimes I've said something, but increasingly I don't say anything. Well, I guess I say "thank you" for the compliment. Also, people make eye contact with me again. When I had my scarf, nobody would look at me in the aisles of Trader Joe's or in the hallway outside of work. It was a very strange feeling to feel invisible but know that people were probably looking at me when I wasn't looking at them.
A lot of people have asked me if I'm going to keep my hair short. I really have no idea. I feel like it's in a very awkward phase right now. I'm back to having to spend time on it in the morning. It's not a bad problem to have, just something I haven't had to deal with for several months.
We had a good Christmas but words can't express how happy I was for New Years. I actually started this post a week or two ago but never finished it. As I read on what I've written in this post I can't help but think how boring my life has become. Well, as boring as my life gets I suppose. I love boring!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)