I started to write this blog Monday afternoon when I got home from my first treatment. Here were my thoughts then:
That was it? Don't get me wrong, I'm not full of energy, but I don't feel that bad. We'll see how the rest of the week goes, but so far I'd say I feel like I was told I'd feel--kind of run down, easily tired, like I have the flu. Man am I glad that first treatment is over. Now just 15 days more (not including today) and I'll be on target to lose my hair. That feels like the final big hurdle. I mean, yeah, I still have surgery, and then more chemo and then radiation, but all that feels doable now.
Two days later:
Holy shit this sucks. Boy was I naive. In hindsight, my chemo nurse said it would be like morning sickness. I HATED morning sickness. I had it with both Belle and Addie. But with Addie, I had morning sickness pretty much the whole pregnancy. Also, the anti-nausea drugs? A scam. Let's just say I'm ready to explore Plan B for the next round. Those who have made offers, for, uh, "herbal remedies"? I'll be in touch.
But today is Wednesday (I think) and I got out of my PJs today. I felt like death this morning, but now I feel better. I do honestly think that despite this morning, I feel better today than I did yesterday. The hardest part is admitting that I DO feel like crap and I'm exhausted and I can't help Aaron with the girls in the morning. Or at night. Because I love spending time with my girls (and Aaron too). But I just don't have it in me right now and that's really hard to admit. I can't wait to feel better because I feel like an invalid and I'm not a very good patient.
On the plus side, the meals have been awesome! I'm sooo glad that my friends set up that Helping Hands site because it has truly been a lifesaver. And work has been a really good distraction, too. Yes, I have mustered the strength to work.
Despite how I'm feeling now, I am still glad that at least it's started. Because I do feel like a lot of the anxiety I had pre-chemo has gone away. Even some of my anxiety about losing my hair has gone away too, but that could just be the Ativan talking. I did go a little crazy buying scarves the other day.
Anyhoo, that's all for now.
You are so brave! Sorry that you are feeling so crappy, but happy that you got past the first hurdle. I remember when my mom was going through chemo and lost her hair - we had fun with her wigs and different styles....and I remember also that dad had to be very straight forward with me about how delicate mom was at times. They were honest, but calm about it, and so from a childs perspective it was not scary - I am so grateful to them for that.
ReplyDeleteYou are going to look beautiful in scarves - you have such striking eyes.
If anyone can rock a head scarf and turn it into the fiercest fashion statement of all time, it's you!
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